


Thanos And How To Unsuccessfully Courted The Death

by ame_colours



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack Crossover, M/M, Master of Death Harry Potter, Oblivious Harry Potter, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-07-27 19:13:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20051125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ame_colours/pseuds/ame_colours
Summary: The Avengers were getting ready to fight furiously, even lost their lives if necessary, as Thanos opened the portal and descended to Earth.But they were not ready for what happened instead.





	1. part one : Thanos's crush

**Author's Note:**

> This idea crossed my mind before Avengers: Infinity War circulated in theaters, so Thanos is still the biggest fan of the death.

The Avengers were getting ready to fight furiously, even lost their lives if necessary, as Thanos opened the portal and descended to Earth.

What they were not ready for was the sudden appearance of a petite young man with unruly black hair and bright emerald eyes, who then immediately beat Thanos black and blue, while shouted about how Thanos had the nerve to show up.

And Thanos just whined -_actually whined!_\- piteously about how he thought that the gems would be successful this time as a response.

The Avengers suddenly got a unsettling enlightenment.

Could that young man be the physical embodiment of death, the one that Thanos was trying to court?

And was it possible that the reason Thanos has not succeeded in courting that young man because the said young man was unaware of Thanos’s true intentions?

"..."

Tonny Stark was not the only one who got the urge to sit down and picked popcorn. Or maybe whiskey. _Oh, yes_. Alcohols would be more appropriate.

(Except for you Spidey, you’re too young.) 

(Oh God. Tony sounded like his father _again_.)

\---OR--- 

The physical embodiment of death that Thanos tried to court was not a lady. 

It was a man.

Or more precisely, a wizard who accidentally managed to collect the three Deathly Hallows and become Master of Death, Harry James Potter.

The main reason why Thanos went to the earth?

Because that was Harry’s main domain and Thanos personally wanted to present the most amazing treasures in the whole universe that he had collected for Harry.

There is nothing happier for Thanos than to listen directly the praise that comes straight from Harry’s pretty mouth.

_Except_, Thanos would not get a praise. 

Not. Even. A. Bit.

Harry never appreciated the extra work that caused by Thanos’s treasure hunt, _especially_ because Harry never realized that the treasure will be presented to him and not to be used to destroy him so Thanos could be the new Master of Death.


	2. Thanos & his daughter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Were Gamora & Nebula ready to fight Thanos?

Gamora & Nebula thought they were ready to face <strike>their father</strike> Thanos to death. 

They were ready.

The fear, the dread? No problem. They are used to it

Thanos’s disappointment and wrath? Bring it on. 

This is not the first time Thanos has shown it, and frankly, they didn't care about it anymore. 

Thanos couldn't do worse. 

(No one commented on how the two sisters held hands tightly, tried to strengthen each other, and they could not be more grateful.)

They. Were. Rea-

...Wait

...What the fuck

What. The. Fuck

\---XXX---

The Avengers were getting ready to fight Thanos.

But to see Thanos beaten all out by his crush who suddenly appeared? No. They were not ready.

To see Thanos being shouted over and over by a blue and a green alien girls, about how embarrassing he was, and why 'Father' did not ask their advice on how to court his crush instead of trying on his own, because, guess what, he was very suck at it!

And then to see Thanos shouted back about how his daughters were also no better than him, seeing how the blue one still single, while the green one was dating someone like... like... (The Avengers wisely ignored Quill’s affronted shout when Thanos made a gesture at him)

And then to see the green girl replied back that at least she has a boyfriend, which meant her boyfriend realized that she was trying to court him, unlike _someone_.

And then they were shouted again.

And again.

And again.

...Yeah. Nope. 

The Avengers were not ready for this.

(More snacks and alcohol –a lot, lot of alcohol- are circulated among the Avengers)


	3. Be a brother is hard work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor was not ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said before, this was made before the Infinity War was released, so, yeah, the survivors of Asgard managed to land safely on Earth.

The Avengers were getting ready to fight furiously, even lost their lives if necessary, as Thanos opened the portal and descended to Earth.

What they were not ready for was the fact that they had to stop Thor from strangling his brother instead of helping him.

(Come on, this was Loki they were talking about. They still haven't forgotten his role in the Chitauri attack. And, yes, they were currently united to face a greater threat, but still, no one will be surprised if Loki suddenly betrayed them. They even hoped that would happen soon so the backup plan for that scenario could be implemented immediately.)

\---xxx----

Thor loved his brother. He really did.

Loki indeed had done many things that tested the ties of their brotherhood. But never once Thor hated and wanted to harm his brother (the only remaining member of his family). 

At least until now.

Because, no matter how understanding Thor was, there was still a limit that Loki shouldn't break.

Approached and seduced Thanos’s crush -who wisely stepped aside to let Thanos be chewed by his daughters- was clearly one of them.

Loki, NO!

\---xxx---

The Avengers were extraordinarily grateful that some members were too stuck up to drink in the middle of the supposed-to-be-battlefield, so there were still those who were sober enough to prevent Thor from strangling Loki.  
(Wait, that was a good thing? Of course it was. If Loki successfully seduced Thanos’s crush, Thanos would try to kill Loki. And then Thanos would be beaten by his crush in return. Two birds with one stone.)

They were even more grateful for Tony's incredible wealth that never stopped supplying alcohol and popcorns.  
(Look. Captain just flipped Thor! Woohoo. Good job Steve! Ups, now Thor wants to strike back... Hey, who wants to bet?)

As a side note, Tony has other things to be grateful for. He was extremely grateful that Spidey had returned to school so he did not need to worry that the kid would try to sneak a sip.  
(No, Mr. Stark. Spidey didn't feel grateful. He missed live show of Captain America vs Thor. Not cool!)


End file.
